Something

Death — the cessation of bodily function, the non-existence that comes right after our existence. I would someday like to write a piece on Death, but because I don’t have enough knowledge on the subject (probably due to my current circumstance of being alive) it may very well end up becoming a piece about Life. But then again, what is Death without Life, and what is Life without Death. It is a complementary relationship that has defined our existence since the very moment we became aware of it.

I think Death is a beautiful concept, but that might be a premature conclusion. It’s hard to know what Death is, until you die. And it’s hard to have a logical thought when you are dead. Although I have been made aware of the possibility of still having logical thoughts when I’m dead, but my friends tell me that I may be too preoccupied with eternal flames and divine lashings to engage with logic. So let me do so, while I still can. Whenever I try to imagine Death, I try to think about my experiences during the millions of years of human existence before I was born. And nothing really comes up. It’s really hard to imagine what nothing would look like. It’s like when I try to imagine being completely blind. I heard once that people who are completely blind don’t see black, they see nothing at all. And whenever I try to imagine what seeing nothing looks like, I just can’t. I can only think of black. My eyesight limits my understanding of what seeing nothing would look like, just like how being alive limits my understanding of what Death would feel like. But I’m not so curious. It’s a privilege having eyesight, and being alive (I guess) so I probably shouldn’t let my curiosity make me give up those privileges, even though it’s for the sake of science!

So since I can’t write a piece on Death, because I can’t write a piece on nothing, since all I have is something. I am therefore going to write a piece on something, because that’s all I know — the somethings in my heart when someone tells me that they love me, the somethings in my heart when I make people laugh or smile, the something in the rain that makes the something in me a little bit at ease, and the something in me that wants to get drenched by it, have a hot shower, wrap myself in a warm duvet and watch anime. The something that makes me care very deeply about my family and friends, which feels akin to the something that can make someone lay down their life for another. The something in the stars that inspires me to pray for longer nights, the something in the sun that ruins my day. And the something in being alive that makes me wish it never ends.

And sometimes, the something feels a lot like nothing. It may feel like black. But black still is something — it is the absence of something else. No matter what we go through, it’s still a very much human experience and shouldn’t be equated with emptiness, or the deep void, or nothing. It is something to work with, a hole that can be filled up, and although I may come off as cringe, it may be something worth experiencing.